Every new year I sit down to make parenting goals, in addition to my professional goals. Some years are better than others—I end the year on a laughing note and so can make humorous parenting goals that will continue to launch the laughter into the brand new year.
This year has been a difficult year for us, though. I’ve struggled through some severe depression, one of my sons is currently struggling with severe depression, and we are constantly trying to reconnect and spend time together during an especially busy season.
So this year I decided to make some more serious goals for my 2019 parenting life. Here’s a look at those goals.
1. I will eat mostly healthy.
Kids sometimes make it difficult to make healthy choices—not just because by the time the locusts have finished with our fridge there isn’t much left to choose from but also because parenting is so difficult that sometimes I just want to eat all my feelings. So this year I’ve decided to be more intentional and make better choices on a minute-by-minute basis, one day at a time (we eat mostly healthy already, so it shouldn’t be terribly hard). And the days I reach for a handful of Annie’s bunny grahams or my leftover Trader Joe’s peppermint patties, well, that’s where the next goal comes into play.
2. I will cut myself some slack.
Though I laugh at myself in retrospect—mostly through the humor essays I write—I want to laugh at myself more in the moment. Despite how I might come across in the humor writing you’ve read, I very often take things too seriously. I’m hard on myself. I chastise myself for eating those Annie bunny grahams or leftover Trader Joe’s peppermint patties. In the new year, I want to be nicer and more accepting of my weaknesses.
3. I will get out of the house more.
Even if it’s just for a short walk in our neighborhood, I want to get out more. I walk my sons to school every day and I go to the grocery store and church once a week, but other than that, I’m a hermit, particularly when I’m going through a tough time. I withdraw, huddle inside myself, build my walls. Getting out of the house more will help me in multiple ways, I think.
4. I will hug my kids more.
Our days are so busy that sometimes I get to the end of them and realize I haven’t even hugged a couple of my sons. Some of them act like they don’t want hugs anymore, but they still need them. Even if my hugs are not reciprocated, I will still give them lavishly.
5. I will let them see me cry and open a conversation about it.
This year one of my sons voiced suicidal thoughts. We’ve been on the lookout for depression, because it runs in both our families and was passed to both my husband and me. My sons feel when I’m sad, but they don’t always see it—because I don’t like to let them see it. But the more conversations we can have around this sadness—which sometimes doesn’t have a specific cause and sometimes has an abundance of them—the greater understanding and acceptance they will have of their own sadness. What lives in the dark always seems scary, so we’ll shine the light on it and talk.
I’ll be working hard this year to make sure I take greater steps toward accomplishing these goals. And on the days I fail? Well, there’s always goal number two to keep me trying again and again and again.
I’ve never been one to give up.
(Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash)
