Husband and I recently returned from a creative conference, where we got to interact and have conversations about all sorts of things with people we’ve never talked to anywhere but online. I found new friends, with whom I talked about miscarriages, plans for the future, faith, parenting, writing, society’s prejudice against women and many more deep topics.
If you know me at all, you know that I’m not exactly comfortable with shallow conversation. I like to go straight for the heart, and it doesn’t take me long to get there. I have one of those faces, I guess. And I LOVE hearing people’s stories. I love the connections I made with people in this community. I came home feeling exhausted but, at the same time, refreshed.
And this got me thinking about the value of community.
There is the community of my children. I live with seven males, including six of them 9 years old and younger. We have a lot of diversity just under the roof of our house. When I forget how different we all are, my boys step up to the plate to show me, and it’s not always easy. We fight, we resolve, we laugh, we cry, we dislike, we forgive, but most of all we grow. Because what community does is it shows us our sameness but it also shows us our differences.
We are all different. We come from different pasts, from different viewpoints, from different world views. Even the little people within my home have different ways of seeing their worlds. And what would I miss of the world if I didn’t listen to their thoughts or see from their perspective?
What do we miss of truth and thought and love and hope and adventure and philosophy and surprise if we are not engaged in community?
There is value in our differences. There is value in our sameness. But we will never know know that value until we find community.
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We live in a fast-paced society. I know as well as anyone how time can get away from us. It’s not always easy for me to connect with you, because one of my twins will likely be running away in one direction while the other is running away in a completely opposite direction. And our lives can feel like that, too, like two separate trains headed in opposite directions. Community is challenging to create and maintain, because our lives are so busy. How do we find community and connection in a world like this one?
Well, a couple of weeks ago, my boys went trick-or-treating. We’re not big Halloween people, but our neighborhood is safe, and it’s been a loved/hated tradition for the last several years. Husband and I had just returned from the conference I referenced earlier where I had talked to many different people, and I had not yet recovered from my deep conversations. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay out long without crumbling.
I dragged my heels a little. I didn’t really want to go.
We only visited two streets, but at every corner, I saw someone I passed every day on the walk to my boys’ school. We know each other only in passing. But this night, we lingered at their houses for a few minutes and talked to them a little more. I learned one was a chiropractor, that another had the hardest class she’s had to teach in a while, that another hates the Texas Halloween weather, because she’s from Colorado and it was usually snowing by the time Halloween came around.
I learned that community can be forged in a night of trick-or-treating, if we remain open to it.
And that means that community can be forged wherever we remain open.
We become stronger in community. We are better together than we could be alone. So take a few minutes today and get to know someone. It’s likely they’ve been longing for the connection, too.
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I hope you’ve enjoyed this inside look at my life and my perspective on community. Every Friday, I publish a short blog on something personal that includes a valuable takeaway. For more of my essays and memoir writings, visit Wing Chair Musings.
