What Happens 5 Minutes After the Kids Get Home

What Happens 5 Minutes After the Kids Get Home

by | Messy Mondays

This picture is called “This is What Happens Five Minutes After the Kids Get Home from the Grandparents.”

I don’t even know how this happened. I just remember going out to the car to get the baby and their suitcases, and I walked back in to a paper/stuffed animal/book explosion all over the living room and boys chattering about all the stories they wrote and pictures they drew at Nonny’s house.

Husband and I sent the boys away for a week-long stay at my mom’s house (thanks, Mom! Sort of! I mean, thanks for keeping the boys! No thanks for sending home all the “artwork” they created while they were gone!). While the house sat silent, with only the infant to keep us company, Husband and I organized the house, donated half their toys, cleaned out our old clothes we’ll probably never wear again, reduced our books by about 200 (there are still about 1,800) and tidied the entire house. So you have to understand, the house was spotless before boys walked in.

“Wow!” they said, because they have never seen it so tidy. “How did you get the house so clean?”

Five minutes later, they had their answer.

WE SENT YOU AWAY.

Connections like that are lost on kids, though. They could not see the tidy house and, five minutes later, the tornado-went-through-here house and think, “Hmm. This must have happened because I decided to take off my clothes, pull out a few books, and show Mama and Daddy my five thousands pieces of artwork.”

I just got done reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I sort of thought it might be possible to keep our house tidy if we just had a place for everything and we reduced enough of our possessions so those possessions wouldn’t get dragged into a mess every ten seconds.

BUT KIDS.

They’ll always find a way to make a mess of things, I think. I’m done trying. So, welcome, papers. Thank you for coming. Please stay a while. Crawl between our couch cushions and get shoved under the armchair farther away than my arm can reach when I finally have the energy to tidy up again and make sure you come visit our bed right before we fall asleep. That’s my fave.

P.S. Nonny, we are now working on Project For Nonny wherein they draw five pictures every day until the next time you take them for a weekend (don’t make it too long or…). I’ll make sure to pack them up in a suitcase all nice and neat and pretty. So of course they’ll stay tidy.

A Little Look at the Value and Challenge of Community

A Little Look at the Value and Challenge of Community

by | Wing Chair Musings

Husband and I recently returned from a creative conference, where we got to interact and have conversations about all sorts of things with people we’ve never talked to anywhere but online. I found new friends, with whom I talked about miscarriages, plans for the future, faith, parenting, writing, society’s prejudice against women and many more deep topics.

If you know me at all, you know that I’m not exactly comfortable with shallow conversation. I like to go straight for the heart, and it doesn’t take me long to get there. I have one of those faces, I guess. And I LOVE hearing people’s stories. I love the connections I made with people in this community. I came home feeling exhausted but, at the same time, refreshed.

And this got me thinking about the value of community.

There is the community of my children. I live with seven males, including six of them 9 years old and younger. We have a lot of diversity just under the roof of our house. When I forget how different we all are, my boys step up to the plate to show me, and it’s not always easy. We fight, we resolve, we laugh, we cry, we dislike, we forgive, but most of all we grow. Because what community does is it shows us our sameness but it also shows us our differences.

We are all different. We come from different pasts, from different viewpoints, from different world views. Even the little people within my home have different ways of seeing their worlds. And what would I miss of the world if I didn’t listen to their thoughts or see from their perspective?

What do we miss of truth and thought and love and hope and adventure and philosophy and surprise if we are not engaged in community?

There is value in our differences. There is value in our sameness. But we will never know know that value until we find community.

[Tweet “There is value in our differences and in our sameness. Community shows us our value.”]

We live in a fast-paced society. I know as well as anyone how time can get away from us. It’s not always easy for me to connect with you, because one of my twins will likely be running away in one direction while the other is running away in a completely opposite direction. And our lives can feel like that, too, like two separate trains headed in opposite directions. Community is challenging to create and maintain, because our lives are so busy. How do we find community and connection in a world like this one?

Well, a couple of weeks ago, my boys went trick-or-treating. We’re not big Halloween people, but our neighborhood is safe, and it’s been a loved/hated tradition for the last several years. Husband and I had just returned from the conference I referenced earlier where I had talked to many different people, and I had not yet recovered from my deep conversations. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay out long without crumbling.

I dragged my heels a little. I didn’t really want to go.

We only visited two streets, but at every corner, I saw someone I passed every day on the walk to my boys’ school. We know each other only in passing. But this night, we lingered at their houses for a few minutes and talked to them a little more. I learned one was a chiropractor, that another had the hardest class she’s had to teach in a while, that another hates the Texas Halloween weather, because she’s from Colorado and it was usually snowing by the time Halloween came around.

I learned that community can be forged in a night of trick-or-treating, if we remain open to it.

And that means that community can be forged wherever we remain open.

We become stronger in community. We are better together than we could be alone. So take a few minutes today and get to know someone. It’s likely they’ve been longing for the connection, too.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this inside look at my life and my perspective on community. Every Friday, I publish a short blog on something personal that includes a valuable takeaway. For more of my essays and memoir writings, visit Wing Chair Musings.

How Writers Can Crush the ‘You’re Wrong’ Voice

How Writers Can Crush the ‘You’re Wrong’ Voice

by | This Writer Life

Lately we’ve been talking about the voices that hound writers during their writing. We’ve already talked about three voices that writers will likely hear at any stage in their writing career, including the I Can’t Do This Voice, the Who Would Even Read This Voice, and the This is Terrible Voice. Today I’d like to talk about the You’re Wrong voice.

I’m going to break this one down into fiction and nonfiction, because I believe it hits writers differently across those two mediums.

Fiction

So for fiction writers, the voice is a little ridiculous, right? Because fiction isn’t true. So there’s not really a way to be wrong, is there?

Well, actually there is. I’m going to talk about this in more depth at a later date, but as fiction writers, we also have a duty to our readers. I might feel a little more strongly about this than other writers, because I write for kids. But my duty to my kid readers is this: truth must be included in my fiction. If I decide to write a tale that takes place during World War II, it is my duty to get the facts of that time period straight. If I decide to write a story about an autistic boy, it is my duty to my readers to make sure I write about autism accurately and honestly. If I decide to frame an entire young adult story around mental health issues, I better get it right.

So, as you can see, this voice does have something to say to fiction writers. It’s just that when the voice stems from fear, we’ll have to silence it.

Here’s how we can do that: Cover all our bases. If you’ve covered all your bases, you’re not going to be wrong. But what are the bases you have to cover?

Base 1: Do the research.

If your story needs any kind of research, do it. Put in the work. I read an article recently about fantasy and how many fantasy books have protagonists who happen to hop on a horse while they’re running from the enemy, and even though they’ve never ridden a horse before, they can miraculously ride a horse perfectly. This is not possible. The article reminded authors that even though they may be writing fantasy or fiction of any kind, they owe it to their readers to get the details around the story correct. So determine what those details are for your story. And put in the time to do the necessary research.

[Tweet “We owe it to our fiction readers to tell the truth about our story worlds. Research is important.”]

Base 2: Plan your story well.

I know how some feel about the idea of brainstorming, but I also know, from much experience, that brainstorming helps me tell a more accurate, more linear, more enjoyable story. When our stories have holes or questions, readers lose trust in us. We can fix this by brainstorming well, or even with a partner.

Base 3: Learn your craft.

Never stop learning. You owe it to your readers to continuously improve, and this is an often underrated way to defeat the “You’re Wrong” voice. It’s actually a way to defeat all the voices we’ve talked about. When we’re secure in our writing, the voices cannot sway us—at least not for long.

Nonfiction

The You’re Wrong Voice gets a little louder when we’re talking about nonfiction—especially when it comes to essays and articles that are philosophizing or teaching. It’s easy to look at our point of view in a particular essay and agree with the voice. It’s easy to look at an article in which we’re teaching something and wonder if we haven’t quite learned all we need to know to be writing something like this.

Some ways to beat the voice when writing nonfiction include these:

1. Do your research.

That’s right. It’s the same for nonfiction as it is for fiction. When you’re writing an essay about eating disorders, make sure you have the correct information about eating disorders—even if that information never makes it into the essay. Equip yourself to know so that you form your opinion from fact. And then the voice has nothing left to say. Because of:

2. Remember that your point of view is your view from a point.

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it’s worth repeating. We come from all different backgrounds and childhoods and worldviews, and no one will ever completely agree with another, because no one has ever lived another’s exact life. So our ideas, our opinions, are not wrong. They’re just views.

3. Remember how much you know.

Remember that someone can always learn from what you know. When I’m writing a teaching article, I often wonder what authors farther along in their journey would have to say about what I’m writing. But I also have to remember that I know more about this, today, than someone else does. And I should help those people, today, rather than waiting until I know more tomorrow. We’ll never know all there is to know in the world. We have to share what we know right now, and then keep learning.

[Tweet “We’ll never know all there is to know in the world. Share what you know now & keep learning.”]

Week’s prompt

A picture is one of my favorite ways to generate inspiration. Look at the picture below. Write whatever you want for as long as you can.

Photo by Scott Webb.

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A Book that Will Make You Laugh, Cry, Rage and Everything In Between

A Book that Will Make You Laugh, Cry, Rage and Everything In Between

by | Books

Kill ‘Em and Leave: Searching for James Brown and the American Soul, by James McBride, is probably the best narrative nonfiction book I’ve read all year. I have to start by saying that I’m a huge fan of James McBride and have almost read everything he’s written. This book was interesting, humorous, truthful, smart and probing. It not only examined James Brown’s often-fabled life and the truth behind what we’ve heard to date, but it also examined the relations between blacks and whites in an honest, graceful, curious way.

Take this quote, for example:

“Such is the complexity of race relations in America’s South, where race keeps you in a kind of grid in which you never know where to step. Blacks and whites together—but not together. Living as one, but not as one. Living as family, but a dysfunctional family.”

McBride nails it. I live in the south. I know this is true.

These sorts of asides serve to make McBride’s readers trust him, and trust him they will as they make their way through the story of James Brown and a fortune that was intended to benefit poor children but never actually made it there. The book is more than just the history of James Brown. It’s the history of black music, the history of funk and soul, the history of life in the south. So many stories about James Brown have been told since the musician’s death, but none of them has been told as beautifully and as honestly as this one. McBride conducted interviews with people who had remained quiet until he got hold of them. He’s a journalist, and he gets all the way to the truth of Brown’s life and legacy. And the whole journey is fascinating.

McBride is a black musician himself, so he’d slip in asides about the state of professional musicians—like this one:

“Here’s how music history in America works: a trumpet player blows a solo in a Philly nightclub in 1945. Somebody slaps it on a record, and fifty years later that same solo is a final in a college jam department, and your kid pays $60,000 a year to take the final, while the guy who blew the solo out of his guts in the first place is deader than yesterday’s rice and beans, his family is suffering from the same social illness that created his great solo, and nobody gave two hoots about the guy when he died and nobody gives two hoots about his family now. They call that capitalism, the Way of the World, Showbiz, You Gotta Suck it Up, an upcoming Movie about Diversity, and my favorite term, Cultural History. I call it fear, and it has lived in the heart of every black American musician for the last hundred years.”

In the course of the book, McBride talks to people like Brown’s first wife, his manager, his musicians, people who knew the real James Brown. He uncovers the legal contest over Brown’s estate—a fight that has prevented any of the money Brown left for poor children in Georgia and South Carolina to actually reach them.

I first picked up a book by James McBride when his novel, The Good Lord Bird, won the National Book Award for Fiction in 2013. It’s a southern tale, just like Kill ‘Em and Leave. I knew then that I’d have to read whatever James McBride put out into the world. McBride is a master at bringing his readers into a story, whether he’s telling a fiction one or a familiar nonfiction one. He has a way with words that breathes life into the simplest of phrases and stories.

I’ve made it my mission to be like James McBride when I grow up.

I’ll leave you with one last quote from Kill ‘Em and Leave. These are the opening sentences and prove how McBride uses language to expertly draw his readers into a world they will not want to leave:

“The statue sits smack in the middle of downtown Augusta, Georgia, face high, because the old man never wanted to be standing above anybody else. He wanted to be down with the people. And as you stand before it on this deserted stretch of cheap stores and old theaters on a hot August afternoon, you say to yourself, ‘This is what they don’t teach you in journalism school’: to walk through the carcass of a ruined, destroyed life—this broken life and the one behind it, and the ones behind that—to navigate the maze of savage lawyers who lined up to feed at the carcass; to listen to the stories of the broke musicians who traveled the world in glory only to come home with a pocket full of nothing; to make sense of the so-called music experts who helped themselves to a guy’s guts and history trying to make a dollar change pockets. Everybody’s got a hustle in this world. Meanwhile the guy who made the show—he’s deader than yesterday’s beer, his legacy scattered everywhere but where he wanted it.”

I hope you’ve enjoyed this book recommendation. Be sure to visit my recommendation page if you’re interested in seeing some of my best book recommendations. If you have any books you recently read that you think I’d enjoy, don’t hesitate to get in touch. And, if you’re looking for some new books to read, stop by my starter library, where you can get a handful of my books for free.

*The books mentioned above have affiliate links attached to them, which means I’ll get a small kick-back if you click on them and purchase. But I only recommend books I enjoy reading myself. Actually, I don’t even talk about books I didn’t enjoy. I’d rather forget I ever wasted time reading them.