Recent Articles
I See London, I See France, Go Put On Some Underpants
Last night I dressed my 10-month-old in Star Wars pajamas and set him in a little kid chair, and I snapped a picture of him, because he was so happy and it was so stinking cute. And then I posted the picture on my social media sites today, because, like I said, it was...
‘I Would Eat a Worm for Only 6 Dollars’ and the How Do Babies Come Out Talk
6-year-old: Sometimes I can't get my poop out of my...uhhhh.... 5-year-old: Booty crack? 6-year-old: No, my uhhhh.... Me: Colon? 6-year-old: No. My...uhhh...oh! My sphincter! 3-year-old: Daddy, you have a penis. Husband: Yeah. 3-year-old: I have a penis. Husband: Yes....
Things Kids Will Never Understand
The other day I was trying to put my 3-year-old in the car, and we were in a hurry, because I wanted to get to the grocery store and back before it was time for their lunch, since you definitely DO NOT want to be caught out in public when two headstrong 3-year-olds...
When Kids Discover the Entertainment of Spitballs
It’s not just that this bathroom smells like a swamp. It’s also that there is always mud in the sink, from boys playing out back in the pit I told them to “not get in or else,” and, of course, they thought they’d try their hand at the “or else,” because mud and boys...
‘Dying is Definitely Not Awesome.’
Husband: What is something you enjoy about being in a big family? 8-year-old: Not having a lot of attention? Me: Wait. You enjoy that? 8-year-old: I was being sarcastic. Watching something on TV when you guys try to clean. Me: Husband: 8-year-old: That's what I enjoy...
Cinder-Mama is a Real Person. She is Me.
You know that scene in Cinderella where she’s in the kitchen trying to get things ready for the day, and on the wall there’s this collection of bells ringing incessantly, signaling that people who are depending on her (mostly because they’re lazy) need things? Every...
What It’s Like Having More Than One Kid
It used to be so easy. It used to be that when we put something away, it stayed put away. It used to be that I could control the crawling space where my kid would scrutinize every piece of lint or dirt or dropped food, and there was nothing because HE WAS THE ONLY ONE. […]
Are you a parent who needs a little dose of humor and hope?
For a limited time, pick up a FREE copy of How to Survive a Year and laugh your way back into hope. Or maybe just survival.