Recent Articles
‘Please Stop Hovering Around Me’ or What He Meant to Say
Woman: Are you guys four yet? 3-year-old: No, I'm three. Woman: Is your birthday coming up? 3-year-old: Yeah. Woman: And then you'll be, what, seven? 3-year-old: Yeah. Because we eat a lot of food. 9-year-old: I feel really angry that you guys are hovering around me...
What Happens to My Brain When My Kids are Talking
My house hears so many words. If these walls could talk, they would never, ever stop—because my kids never, ever stop, either. I’m in the word business. I write for a living. I’m used to sorting through words all day, and I’m used to hearing a running commentary in my...
How to Make a Little Girl Question Her Worth
Every month I sit with a beautiful group of ladies and discuss our book of the month and, mostly, our lives. We eat chocolate and drink a little wine and sort through all the things that have happened to us in the stretch between the last book club meeting and this...
‘I Have Swim Trunks and a Penis’ and Other 3-Year-Old Randomness
5-year-old: I can't do it! Me: 5-year-old: There. I got my shoes on. Me: All right! You can do hard things! 5-year-old: Can I build a house? No. Husband: You can sit in your seat until it's time for dinner. 3-year-old: No. Husband: Get in your seat. 3-year-old: I...
If a 3-Year-Old Were Giving a State-of-the-Union Address
Dear Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, my fellow Adult Americans, and, especially my two parents, sitting over there, shaking their heads: Today marks the end of the third year I’ve been alive, and let me just tell you, this year is going to be...
How About We Stop Trying to Tell Each Other How to Parent?
My younger sister is about to have her birthday, so lately I’ve been thinking about all the things I love about her. I know not everyone has a good relationship with their sisters, but I consider my sister a best friend. She knows everything about me. She can tell...
‘I’ll Never Be Fat Like You’ and Other Kid Quotes
5-year-old: Daddy, I want a hug and a kiss! Husband: Come to our room, then. 5-year-old: No. I stepped on a Lego in there. 9-year-old: I'm getting fat Me: I don't think you'll ever get fat. 6-year-old: Yeah, like daddy. Husband: What, you mean like daddy doesn't get...
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