Stuff Crash Test Kids Say

Me: How do people show their love to each other? 5-year-old: They tell people. Me: Does anybody at your school love you? 5-year-old: Only my teacher. Me: Do you love anybody? 5-year-old: You. And myself. Me: It's good to love yourself. 6-year-old: Well, that's just...

6-year-old: Well, now I know I'm allergic to tomatoes. Me: How? 6-year-old: Because someone at school had a tomato, and I sneezed when I was sitting beside her. Me: 6-year-old: Me: Nope. 9-year-old: Ow! MY EAR HURTS! Me [looking at his ear.]: Huh. There's blood. What...

Husband, getting into the van with six boys: It smells like fart in here. Me: Him: Me: Him: Never mind. [At the dinner table.] Husband: Put that thing away. Me [Not looking]: We don't bring toys to the table, boys. Husband: It was his penis. Me: 5-year-old: Me: We...

3-year-old: The sun broke in half, and now it's a moon. Me: 3-year-old: Me: Are you a poet? 3-year-old: No, I'm a boy. Me: I'm bringing the veggies over. 3-year-old: Those aren't beggies. They're bitchables." Me: 3-year-old: Me: Just don't say that in public, 'kay?...

5-year-old: Knock knock Me: Who's there 5-year-old: How do you get germs on your fingers? Me: How do you get germs on your fingers who? 5-year-old: How you get germs on your fingers is you lick all over them. Me: 5-year-old: you didn't laugh. Me. Oh, right. Hahaha...

Husband: You're being a pest. 8-year-old: Well, then, call pest control. Me [under my breath]: How I wish it were that easy. Me [Turning out the lights in their bedroom]: You lost the privilege of a longer reading time, because you're playing instead of reading....

5-year-old: Well, I guess Asa has to stay home today. 3-year-old #1: Yeah, because he has a throat. 3-year-old #2: No, he throwed up. 3-year-old #1: Yeah, he throwed up because he ate the oatmeal Mama cooked. 5-year-old: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? 5-year-old:...