Stuff Crash Test Kids Say
“I Wish I Could Be a Dog”
Impossible wishes Hosea (4): "I love Ellie so much. I wish I was a dog so I could marry her." Another sex talk gone wrong. Jadon (8): "Mama, are we going to ever have another baby?" Mama: "No, Mama and Daddy are done." Boys: "Awwwwwww!" Jadon: "How do you stop having...
‘I Want You to Drop Me Off at an Orphanage.’
Identity crisis Zadok (2): "Daddy a boy and Jadon a boy. I not a boy, I a twin." My poop scared me Jadon (8): "Mama, I sat down to poop today, and it sounded like a gunshot when it came out." Mama: "Wow. That's quite interesting...information." Jadon: "Yeah. It scared...
“Only Boys are Bosses” and Other Incorrect Musings of Children
Field Trip Blues Jadon (8): "My field trip is this week." Mama: "I know. I signed up to be a volunteer." Jadon: "Aw, darn it. I wanted to do inappropriate stuff." Superheroes Have to Eat, Too I'm trying to take a picture of them all around the table for my 'Eating...
We Like to Play Hurting Games
At least we're safe from fat bandits Hosea (4): "Did you know part of our fence was down?" Mama: "It is? How did that happen?" Hosea: "I don't know." Jadon (8): "Well, at least a bandit can't get through. At least not a fat bandit." The name of the game is 'Let's Hurt...
Some Things You Just Don’t Want to Know As a Parent
Mr. Thesaurus In the park, the boys were playing. Hosea (4) fell off something he was climbing on. Hosea: "I hurt my butt." Mama: "We don't say that word. What do we say instead?" Hosea: "I hurt my buttocks." The correct answer was booty. But what could we say? The...
A Baby Helps You Sleep
Can you read my mind? We're playing a game around the table, where one person expresses an emotion and all the others try to guess which emotion it is. The oldest is making a facial expression no one can name. Mama: "Worried?" Jadon (8): "No." Daddy: "Constipated?"...
It Tastes Like Brown
We're winning at parenting Jadon (8): "I need a haircut. My hair is so long it keeps getting stuck in my ears, because my ears have too much wax in them." Asa (5): "My ears have so much earwax!" Where are you going? Hosea (4): "Where are you going, Daddy?" Daddy: "To...
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