The kids are home for summer break, and time feels shorter than ever.
During the school year, we put the boys at home on a strict schedule: breakfast, lessons, playtime, lunch time, nap time and free play in the afternoon.
But during the summer, the time is a little more fluid, which means all those areas where I usually take some work time to catch up on whatever I can with divided attention no longer exist.
The summer is different, because the entire dynamic of our house changes. Time feels tied in knots, with six of them asking for help and making a mess and running wild, instead of just four.
This is the dilemma for every parent writer. We want time to write, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
One of the most difficult things we’ll have to do as a writer parent is make space for our writing.
Because there are always dishes to do and children to put to bed and time we need to spend with our partner, and where in the world can we find the time to pursue our writing?
I got up at 5 a.m. today, because it was the first day of summer vacation, and surely my children would sleep until 7 or so. That would give me at least two hours to work on some reading and writing.
Except they woke up at 6 a.m. instead of 7, and I was right in the middle of something I needed to do when they came tearing into the room.
Some days, I swear. It just feels…impossible.
People tell me all the time that they just don’t have the time to do what they love. But if we really love doing it, won’t we find the time?
When people ask me how I possibly find the time to write so much and read so often, I have a pretty short answer for them:
I have to.
I have to read and write to become a better writer, and I have to read and write to become a better person.
I am not who I was made to be if I’m not reading and writing in the spaces of my life. But I had to make those spaces. I had to talk about them with my family. I had to ask for their help.
My boys know the days I didn’t get to read and write much, because they can tell. I am grouchier, touchier, more easily annoyed.
They wouldn’t know how to say it in words, but they like me better when I’ve made space to do what I love.
So how do we make space when it feels impossible?
1. Enter into an open conversation with family members.
If our children and our partner don’t know about our dreams or how important they are to us, they will not give us the space to create. If they don’t give us the space to create, or if expectations are not talked about and worked through, we run the risk of feeling bitter about what time we do or don’t get. It’s worth it to open a conversation exploring times when you might be able to work, whether it’s early morning or late night or the middle of the afternoon while someone else watches the kids.
2. Brainstorm solutions for who has kid-duty.
None of my boys are old enough to be unsupervised for any stretch of time beyond about five minutes (even if they were, I don’t know if I’d trust them). So my husband and I worked out a solution early on. We trade off kid-watching hours during the day. He works seven hours in the morning (beginning work at 6 a.m.), and I take the rest in the afternoon (ending work at 5:30 p.m.). Sometimes we work early, early mornings or late nights. We piece together the hours we need, and we gain the benefit of learning the meaning of true partnership and enjoying the best years with our children.
3. Use time wisely.
Sometimes all we’re going to get in a day is 30 minutes. That means it’s especially important to use that time in a way that will get us what we need and want, whether that’s specific word counts or just a quick essay we can post. Know what you’re going to work on before the time comes around so you don’t spend the whole 30 minutes trying to figure that out. So much can be done in 30 minutes of uninterrupted time. Make sure it’s the right kind of work, and not work you could do while watching your kids.
4. Remember it may not look perfectly.
Sometimes kids will interrupt. Sometimes they will wake up too early or stay up too late. Sometimes we won’t get a dang thing done because we’re just so tired. That’s okay. Get back on the road tomorrow and try again. If interruptions are normal occurrences, try to get someone else to watch the kids while you work. It’s worth it for your family and yourself.
Making space is possible, but we can’t do it alone. We have to ask for help.
But our lives—and careers—will only change for the better.
