I’m the kind of person who thrives on solitude. Not all the time (that, I fear, would make me lonely). But sometimes.
I recently had a few days to myself, and I hadn’t even realized how much I needed them because of all the activity that comes from releasing a new book plus having kids home for the summer plus the regular speed of life.
Solitude revitalizes me. I use it to read, write, run, just stare into space.
Our modern lives are full of activity and people—not necessarily in-person people but online—and all of that can feel overwhelming. Sometimes I have to take time away from it all.
Summertime is challenging, because there are people everywhere. I don’t live in a big house, and now most of my kids are bigger than I am and take up more space. It’s practically impossible to find stillness and quiet, much less solitude.
But it’s necessary—for all of us.
Solitude can be uncomfortable for some people, especially at first. Without all the voices of other people, we can hear our thoughts really well. And that can be…unpleasant, depending on the day.
I recently watched a documentary on anxiety. In an anxious mind, like mine, there’s always chatter. It takes a lot of time to find quiet, and it rarely happens without solitude.
In solitude, the mind fills with a hundred things. It’s unsettling. At first. And then you reach the silence. A deep, inner silence (even if it’s not complete silence—it’s not for me). A place of knowing and understanding and clarity.
Gabriel García Márquez, a Columbian novelist and short story writer, once said, “The secret of a good old age is simply an honorable pact with solitude.” (He lived until he was 87 years old.)
I tend to agree.
Solitude, according to research, can reduce our feelings of stress and make us feel calmer. In solitude we can increase our self-knowledge and figure out our problems and think deeply about what’s going on in our lives and how to be a better human.
(A note here: Solitude is not synonymous with lonely. The reason I can be okay with and long for my solitude is because I have my people. So don’t cut yourself off from people just to find solitude; we need each other!)
Solitude increases our creativity, because it gives us space to breathe and think. It fosters a greater sense of intimacy and connection with others, contrary to what we may think about relationships (the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” turns out to be true).
How much solitude is best for us?
That depends on the person. We all have to figure it out for ourselves. I spent a few days alone, and I felt completely renewed.
What should you do with your solitude? That’s completely up to you, too. Some of us can feel a little itchy with fifteen minutes all by ourselves and no one needing anything from us (myself included). So I’ve collected some of my favorite things to do with solitude (scroll down to the end of this email for the list).
In order to practice solitude, however long or short it may be, we have to prioritize it. The activity of a day eats away the hours. It’s gone before we know it—at least that’s how my life goes.
We might find we can better deal with the challenges our days often throw at us if we can just spend a little time by ourselves.
I hope you have a splendid month of finding moments of solitude.
What to do with solitude:
1. Read a book or write in a journal
2. Sit and stare into space (if it makes you cringe, set a timer so your brain knows it will end)
3. Just listen to your thoughts as they pass
4. Meditate
5. Do some candlelight yoga
6. Go to the library and browse books
7. Run or hike
8. Color
9. Play dress up for yourself
10. Cross a room doing forward flips like you used to do as a kid (just don’t pull any muscles)
