6-year-old: Sometimes I can’t get my poop out of my…uhhhh….
5-year-old: Booty crack?
6-year-old: No, my uhhhh….
Me: Colon?
6-year-old: No. My…uhhh…oh! My sphincter!
3-year-old: Daddy, you have a penis.
Husband: Yeah.
3-year-old: I have a penis.
Husband: Yes.
3-year-old: My brothers have a penis.
Husband: Yes they do.
3-year-old: Mama doesn’t have a penis. She has a booty.
Husband:
3-year-old:
Husband: Yes. Exactly.
3-year-old: I have a booty, too.
Husband:
3-year-old:
Husband: Well, I guess not exactly.
6-year-old: I came out of your belly first.
5-year-old: And then I came next.
9-year-old: Actually, I came first.
Me: You didn’t actually come out of my belly. The correct term is uterus.
6-year-old: So we came out your uterus?
Me: Well, no, you came out of my vaginal passage.
6-year-old: Where is your vaginal passage?
Me: It’s attached to my vagina.
6-year-old: Wait. You have a China?
Me:
6-year-old:
Me: Maybe we should wait until you’re older.
6-year-old: Yeah. I agree.
6-year-old: I held a worm today. And I ate a gummy worm.
Me: Would you ever eat a real worm?
6-year-old: No way.
9-year-old: Not unless someone paid me 5,000 dollars.
Me: Would you do it for 5 dollars?
9-year-old: No. I would at least need to be able to buy some new Pokemon cards. So 6 dollars.
Me:
9-year-old:
Me: Nope.
