That’s not true, really. My kids have friends. They play with them at recess and collaborate with them in their classrooms and talk to them during PE when they’re supposed to be doing six hundred jumping jacks.
We have avoided play dates for eight years, but no longer.
On a recent day, a note came home from school with my 5-year-old, from the parents of a boy named Aaron* (*name has been changed for privacy). My son had talked about this Aaron, so I knew they were good friends.
“Aaron would like to arrange a play date with Asa,” the note said.
I had no idea how to go about this.
The note, fortunately, listed telephone numbers and e-mail addresses for Aaron’s mom and dad, asking me to “get in touch.” Being the introverted person I am, I chose to text the numbers given. Surely that would be the easiest, and definitely much less awkward than trying to fumble through a conversation on the phone with people I don’t know.
Two days passed, and I heard nothing. That’s when I assumed maybe the numbers given weren’t cell phone numbers and didn’t have text capacity. So I did the next best thing.
I e-mailed.
Meanwhile, I mentioned to my oldest son, who is 8, that his little brother was going to have a play date with a classmate and did he have anyone he would want to invite over for a play date, too?
He had to think about this.
My 5-year-old had his friend over, and it went well, and I was preoccupied wondering about the after-play date etiquette—thank you note for letting him come over? Follow up of some kind? Reciprocated play date?—when my 8-year-old, one day after school, grabbed my hand and pulled me over to a woman I had never met, but clearly needed to, right this minute.
He didn’t say a word of introduction.
We stared awkwardly at one another for a minute-that-felt-like-an-hour, before she held out her hand and said her name, which I didn’t hear because my heart was roaring in my ears.
Awkward, awkward, awkward, it beat.
“I’m Christopher’s* mom,” she said. “He wanted to schedule a play date with Jadon.”
Oh no, oh no, oh no, not like this, not here, not in person. I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t prepared. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!
“Okay,” I said, and then I realized I had no idea what to do next. I panicked a little and then started babbling words that probably sounded something like this: “I don’t have my phone or a piece of paper or a pen or anything at all to write with or record your number but do you have a phone or a piece of paper or a pen or anything at all to write with or record because if you do I could give you my number and then you could text me so I have yours and then we could figure out this play date thing like when and where and how.”
Oh, crap, I thought. My mouth and its word vomit just lost my boy a friend.
“Oh. Oh, okay,” she said, and I knew then, for sure, that I was doing this exactly wrong and weird and much more complicated than it needed to be done. Most people just pick a day, I’m sure. They set a time. It’s easy. Except I was totally unprepared and didn’t have my calendar with me and needed to talk to my husband…
She fumbled around in her pocket for her phone, trying to maintain her grip on the arm of her 2-year-old, who was trying to escape exactly like my 2-year-olds would have tried to escape, and I thought about how I would have felt the teensiest bit annoyed that the person talking to me couldn’t see the struggle I was having, and couldn’t we do this later?
Fail.
I started working on an apology to my son, because I knew his friend would never be allowed over to our house.
Christopher’s mom took down my number, and my boys and I went home, and two days passed. Two days.
Then she texted, instead of calling, and invited my boy over.
He and his friend played LEGOS for three hours, and when they were done, I walked to pick him up, and Christopher’s mom invited me in, and we sat in clumsy conversation on her couch while our boys kept playing some more.
And that’s when I realized she was just like me.
Awkward. Weird. Unpracticed at this whole play date thing. (She was just like me!)
Her boy and mine have had another play date since.
And I might have made a new friend, too.
