Husband, getting into the van with six boys: It smells like fart in here.
Me:
Him:
Me:
Him: Never mind.
[At the dinner table.]
Husband: Put that thing away.
Me [Not looking]: We don’t bring toys to the table, boys.
Husband: It was his penis.
Me:
5-year-old:
Me: We don’t bring toys to the table.
Me: When Jadon was little, he used to point to the moon and say, “Da Moonah.” It was the funniest thing.
6-year-old: What did I say for the moon?
Me: You said it correctly.
6-year-old: What did I say for Fa China?
Me:
6-year-old:
Me: You still haven’t mastered that one yet.
Me: Oh, my gosh. What is that awful smell?
9-year-old: That was my toot, and it smells like heaven.
3-year-old #1: You say stop, I say go.
3-year-old #2: Go.
3-year-old #1: No, I say go. You say stop.
3-year-old #2: But I am the leader.
3-year-old #1: No, I am.
[30 minutes later]
3-year-old #2: No, I am.
3-year-old #1: No, I am.
