6-year-old, to 3-year-old brother: I feel really angry at you, but I don’t want to hurt you.
9-year-old: I want to pee outside
Husband: No. You’re 9 years old. You can no longer pee outside when you’re 9 years old.
9-year-old: Why not?
Husband: Because—
9-year-old: Can I do it in the pits my brothers dug?
Husband: You’re really grouchy.
Me: I know. It’s been a hell of a morning.
9-year-old: You said a bad word.
Me: I don’t care.
9-year-old: Well, you’ll go where you said then.
Me: I said don’t eat yet. We haven’t prayed. Do you listen to anything comes out of my mouth?
3-year-old: No.
Me: What did I just say?
9-year-old: That I need to listen to you because one day it will help keep me safe. And so I’ll stay out of things. Like drugs.
6-year-old: We don’t have drugs in our house. We can’t get into drugs.
9-year-old: But we have alcohol.
Me: [shrug] It’s your dad’s.
9-year-old: Don’t worry, Mama, I’m not packing anything inappropriate.
Me: What would be inappropriate?
9-year-old: I don’t know. A poster that says, ‘This car used to be a butt.’
