Lately I’ve been studying fairy tales, because when I research something, I tend to get pretty obsessive about it. I’m reading an encyclopedia on fairy tales. It’s more than 1,000 pages. That’s how obsessive I get.
A fairy tale that is pretty consistent throughout all the traditions is Cinderella. It may be called something different, and the morals may point to something more in line with the values of a particular culture, but, for the most part, Cinderella is a story about the importance and necessity of kindness.
In some of the Cinderella stories I’ve read, Cinderella allows her stepmother and stepsisters to come out from their limited-means way of living and live with her at the castle, returning their cruelty with extreme kindness. In some, she simply leaves them to their own lives without seeking retribution for the wrongs they did to her.
It’s a fairy tale, but stories always have applications for our lives.
Kindness seems to be growing increasingly uncommon in the world today. We live on our computers and communicate more and more across the Internet, through social media, separated from one another in both time and space. It’s much easier to be unkind to a person who isn’t staring you in the face.
I’ve been collecting data about bullying and what it looks like in the middle school world today because I have a story—perhaps even a series—planned that will highlight that experience and how amazing pre-teens maneuver it. I guess this, coupled with my study of fairy tales, is why kindness has been foremost in my mind lately. I’ve even talked about it somewhat recently. I want to talk about it again.
We get something from kindness. Cinderella got her prince, and we get something similar: relationships. We learn more about people when we’re kind, because people are more receptive and open to those who treat them kindly. We get to make friends, and we get to be the beneficiaries of what those people can offer us. And maybe what they offer us is not what Cinderella got from her prince—happily ever after—but we are filled and healed and strengthened in community.
But the most important thing we get out of being kind is identity. We are made to be kind. We are made to uplift, encourage, speak life over others. We are made to cheer one another on along the journey of life. And every time we make the choice to do so, we are solidifying our identity as kind, courageous, strong people.
It takes courage to be kind. I know. I make it my goal to be exceedingly kind wherever I go—whether I get strange or judgmental looks, whether someone makes a rude comment about me or my large family (and they do), whether I am ripped apart online for the choices I’ve made in life. I smile, I excuse myself, I let them get their vitriol off their chest—because kindness is about more than an interaction. It’s also about the way we choose to see those people who tear us down. I choose to see them as people who are hurt or disappointed or maybe just lonely.
Exceeding kindness changes us. We begin to open to the stories and perceptions of other people, and even if they don’t return our kindness, we can rest knowing that we have done our very large part of making the world a better place. We may be the only kindness they ever meet.
Cinderella got to rule a kingdom for her kindness. I wonder what we’ll be asked to do.
