In December of last year, Husband and I released a single called, “The Needle Breaks the Skin.” It was a song that took us two years to write, record and perfect, after a friend of ours asked us to write her a song about scars and healing and telling our stories.
In another life, Husband and I had been traveling musicians. We produced three full-length albums before we had our third child. But as the children started taking over our lives, we realized that we’d have to cut back on the traveling and even the making music, since none of it really paid the bills and there were these children to feed. So we took a step back and then another, and still another.
For two weeks in December, we set up virtual concerts, dusted off some of our old songs and played music. It was hectic, a little nerve-wracking, and wonderful, all at the same time.
We’ve missed the music. It’s been hard to fit it in our lives, but what this experience taught me is that pursuing a passion, unrelated to our work, is important for our well being.
I love what I do. I get to write for hours every day. Some people would think that’s the worst possible job ever, but I continuously search for more hours to write.
I also love music. There aren’t many hours left for it anymore, but it’s important that I stick with it. In fact, I’ve committed to writing at least 20 new songs this year. Maybe it will take us 10 years to record them, or maybe they’ll never get recorded at all, but the point is that even though the music is not front and center anymore, it is still living. It remains.
The thing about a passion, outside of what we do for our day job (and I hope you really love what you do, too), is that when we pursue something that doesn’t have any expectation attached to it—expectations like success or income or whatever it is—we have the opportunity to engage in simple, innocent play. Play is good for us. It helps us maintain our connection with creativity. If we are all work and no play, we are, indeed, dull people. Science has proven it.
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Music gives me a place to play, without the expectation that it will ever turn into anything more.
That’s why I’ve pursued music so doggedly in my life. I can’t not pursue it, because in an industry where I am constantly pouring myself out through essays and stories, I need a space where I can fill again. Music provides me with that space. I am simply creating art and maybe, along the way, changing a few lives for those who happen to hear it.
What is your space? What fills you when you have emptied? Find it, pursue it, and you will see a greater depth of meaning open in your life.
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I hope you’ve enjoyed this inside look at my life and my perspective on loving yourself. Every Friday, I publish a short personal essay that includes a valuable takeaway. For more of my essays and memoir writings, visit Wing Chair Musings.
