Woman: Are you guys four yet?
3-year-old: No, I’m three.
Woman: Is your birthday coming up?
3-year-old: Yeah.
Woman: And then you’ll be, what, seven?
3-year-old: Yeah. Because we eat a lot of food.
9-year-old: I feel really angry that you guys are hovering around me like bees hover around flowers.
Husband: You have to ask two serious questions and one silly one.
9-year-old: Like when was the last time you tooted?
Husband: Sure.
9-year-old: Two seconds ago is how I would answer that question.
Husband:
9-year-old:
Husband: It’s time to evacuate the dinner table.
9-year-old: Daddy, I’m feeling really sick. Can you squeeze the toothpaste out onto my toothbrush?
Husband: If you hurt one of your brothers again you lose technology time indefinitely.
9-year-old: If I’m angry, can I tickle them instead?
Husband: I think you should just not touch them.
9-year-old: I think I’ll tickle them.
6-year-old: I think I would like that better.
