8-year-old: Mama, what is this? [holding a cassette recording of The Hobbit.]
Me: I think they call that a cassette tape.
8-year-old: I’ve never even seen one of these before! It’s like from ancient times!
Me:
8-year-old:
Me:
8-year-old: Did you listen to these when you were a kid, Mama?
8-year-old: [lapping up his vegetables like he’s a dog or something.]
Me: What are you doing, son? Use some manners.
8-year-old: I’m just trying to see if I’m a vegetable vampire.
Me:
8-year-old:
Me:
8-year-old: Yep. I am.
Me: Why is your face so dirty?
3-year-old: Because I ate too much food.
Me: Sounds about right.
5-year-old: [Looking at a Marvel superhero book. Turns to the page with the girl superheroes.] Where’s the girl Spider-Man?
Daddy: Right there. [pointing to the page]
5-year-old: Oh, yeah. Because she has The Bumps. [points to opposite sides of his chest]
Daddy:
5-year-old: [looks down at chest] I don’t have The Bumps.
8-year-old: Mama, did you know that my penis is a toilet paper ninja?
Me: Oh, really? Do I really want to know why?
8-year-old: Yeah, it’s because when I pee and there’s toilet paper in the toilet because my brothers forgot to flush, it cuts the toilet paper in half. Like a ninja.
Me:
8-year-old: Don’t worry. I won’t ever say that in public.
