What I’ve been wondering my whole life

Asa (5): “Mama, there are some things I’ve been wondering my whole life. Like, since I was 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5.”
Mama: “Oh yeah? What’s that?”
Asa: “I’ve been wondering where bites come from and how they make bumps on you. And how babies come out of you and why girls don’t have penises.”
Me: “Wow. Those are some really good questions. We’ll put them on our I Wonder Wall.”
Because then I don’t have to answer them right now.

The boy who could fly

Mama: “Be careful out in the tall grass.”
Boaz (3): “There may be snakes.”
Mama: “Yeah, and other things.”
Hosea (4): “Well, they can’t get me because I can fly.”
What’s in that diaper?

Changing the baby’s diaper:

Mama: “Wow. That’s a lot of poop.”
Zadok (2): “Yeah. That looks like guacamole poop.”

Go check your pants

Asa (6): “Ow! My booty hurts because of my toot. Sometimes that happens.”
Hosea: “Yeah. That happens to me when I have diarrhea.”

How to impress a high school student

The 8-year-old got some art displayed at the high school art show. After it, here’s what he said.
Jadon: “I think I just saw some high school kids and I might have even impressed them by running and jumping and changing direction in midair.”
He has so much to learn.

A nice way of saying ‘I hate you’

Jadon: “When you’re dead, Daddy, I’m going to poop on your body.”

Romantic musings of a 4-year-old

Hosea: “Mama, I saw a picture in a picture book of when you and daddy got married, and you shared a true love’s kiss. I asked daddy if it was true love’s kiss and he said yes.”

Ask a question, get an answer

Daddy: “Do you know what’s really good for your teeth?”
Hosea: “Toothpaste.”
Daddy: (Pause.) “That’s really good for your teeth, too, when you use it on a toothbrush. But also apples. Apples are really good for your teeth.”

Hey, look. It’s Random Man.

Hosea: “Mama, I want to wear my batman shirt to Nonny and Poppy’s.”
Mama: “OK. You’re not going there until tomorrow morning, though.”
Hosea: “Well! I don’t like salmon!”
Mama: “What does that have to do with Nonny and Poppy’s house and your Batman shirt?”
Hosea: “Well, I don’t burp anymore. I just toot.”
Try to follow THAT conversation.