6-year-old: Well, now I know I’m allergic to tomatoes.
Me: How?
6-year-old: Because someone at school had a tomato, and I sneezed when I was sitting beside her.
Me:
6-year-old:
Me: Nope.
9-year-old: Ow! MY EAR HURTS!
Me [looking at his ear.]: Huh. There’s blood. What happened?
9-year-old: We were doing a fight game on the trampoline and I was wearing ear buds.
Me: It’s probably not safe to wear ear buds while you’re jumping on the trampoline.
9-year-old: Do you think I’m a fortuneteller? How did I know someone was going to push me?
Me:
9-year-old:
Me: Your logic. Impeccable.
Husband: Please don’t put LEGOs in your mouth.
9-year-old: Don’t worry. They’re starting to get a bad taste. They taste like rotten eggs.
Husband:
9-year-old:
Husband: How do you know what rotten eggs taste like?
Me: Can you imagine if Daddy wasn’t around? If he just left you?
6-year-old: That would be awesome.
5-year-old: And if you were never around.
6-year-old: Yeah, then we could buy all the things.
Me:
6-year-old:
5-year-old:
Me: Wow. I’m so glad you appreciate your parents.
Me [picking up the baby]: Alright, munchkin. Let’s go change your diaper.
9-year-old: Why do you call him munchkin? Why not dwarf?
Me:
9-year-old:
Me: No words. None. I’m completely out.
3-year-old: Mama, I took a spider toy home. It was a fun toy.
Me: OK. Well, say it, don’t spray it.
3-year-old:
Me:
3-year-old: It wasn’t a spray toy.
6-year-old: I think my dreams have died, because I don’t ever dream at night anymore.
Me:
6-year-old:
Me: Maybe you sleep too hard.
6-year-old: No, my dreams are definitely dead.
