5-year-old: Well, I guess Asa has to stay home today.
3-year-old #1: Yeah, because he has a throat.
3-year-old #2: No, he throwed up.
3-year-old #1: Yeah, he throwed up because he ate the oatmeal Mama cooked.
5-year-old: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
5-year-old: Weapon.
Me: Weapon who?
5-year-old: Weapon Nae Nae. [hysterical laugh] Get it? Weapon Nae Nae, not Whip It Nae Nae.
Me:
5-year-old:
Me: I like knock knock jokes when they make sense.
5-year-old: Knock knock.
Me: Nope.
6-year-old: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
6-year-old: What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Me: I don’t know.
6-year-old: Aye Matey.
Me: …
Me: It’s actually Feliz Navidad.
3-year-old twins: Feliz nonny dad.
Me: It’s FELIZ NAVIDad
3-year-old twins: Police navi dad.
Me:
6-year-old: Mama, guess whose light saber this is. Oh, never mind. Daddy, whose light saber is this?
Husband: Yoda.
6-year-old: Yes, first guess!
Me: Why didn’t you ask me?
6-year-old: Because you don’t like guessing games.
9-year-old: And you don’t know anything about Star Wars.
Husband: Mama knows about Star Wars. Ask her anything.
9-year-old: How did Qui-Gon Jinn die in episode one?
Me: He was probably killed by a light saber.
9-year-old: But who killed him?
Me:
9-year-old:
Me: I have no idea.
9-year-old: See.
